As uneasy as it is to understand, my worst fears are associated with my home. My definition of home isn’t the typical one of ‘a place where I live in, with my family’. To me, anything that I can associate with hope becomes my home. For example, the special people in my life, my aspirations and most importantly God. I often refer to Jesus as my home. When I wrote this piece my home felt like it was hanging in the balance; I tried to hold on to everything with my hands and heart but it was slipping so fast.
The colour pencil drawing, as usual, is a reflection of my state of mind. I haven’t made her look utterly destitute, so I guess that even in my state of confusion and strife, I still remain hopeful that things will work out. Sometimes we are forced into paths that we couldn’t predict but wished we could. However, even if we could predict some of these things, it does not necessarily mean that we would have been able to stop them. Not even when we have the entire force of a supernatural deity on our side. I think the important thing is learning; most things happen so that we can learn from them and come out newly formed. God wants us to grow, and how he chooses to make that happen is entirely up to him, but I think that we have a say concerning how long any unpleasant situation persists.
The painting was inspired by my peaceful state of mind, I used mostly pastel colours, which is a first for me. I was mainly thinking about what it really meant to be strong. Drawing from my experiences, I think that true strength is accepting the people that genuinely want to help us. True strength is having the humility to believe and the willingness to grow. True strength is holding a mirror to our image every now and then.
I think it is wrong when people say ‘true strength comes from within’. It is implausible to suggest that the origin of strength is ‘within’ when strength is not an intrinsic value. Strength does not come from ‘within’ it is just formed there. When we are born, we are born weak, vulnerable and dependent. We have our individual characteristics that make us different and react in different ways to certain situations. However, it is our experiences that form and develop us; our experiences trigger the fight or flight notion in our minds. Our experiences may be caused by the natural order of things, they may be self-inflicted or caused by others. But we can only develop strength when we make the most out of our experiences by appreciating them for what they have to teach us and appreciating the available help. We can only develop strength when we stop indulging in isolated thinking and self-pity.
I’m not sure if this is a memory or a memory of a dream, but I was walking home with someone. I cant remember if it was a friend or one of my sisters. It was raining and neither of us had an umbrella. I was typically worried about my hair but it wasn’t so bad for me, because once you stop worrying about getting wet, heavy rain (or fat rain, as we referred to it in my memory) is crazy fun. She, on the other hand hated the whole experience; She didn’t like randomly jumping into puddles of water and she did not like the feel of rain on her skin because “it felt like acid”. As I concluded writing this, I became less sure if this was even my memory at all.
I wonder, if memories could be seen physically as an entity, what would it Look like? I imagine its form to be ever-changing and sometimes fading. I imagine it to be inaccurate and terribly flawed. I imagine it to be the least constant thing in the entire universe, because in the same way we can choose to see what we want to see, we are also capable of choosing how we remember certain events. Whether consciously or unconsciously.
There are so many other things I’d like to say about Bird.
Maybe one of these days I’ll give her her own segment.
Hi guys, welcome to my art space. On here I will post stuff derived from my mind and created with my hands. Enjoy!