The Sixth piece from the Black Sketchbook was the first of its kind, simply because it is a colour pencil sketch. Chaos is unexplainable. It was August 2013 and my nuclear family lost an important asset it was not too bad; Mother said that it was going to be okay. I believed her but I knew that the ‘okay’ period would only come in the long run. It dawned on me that I needed a summer Job to get the things that I wanted, and I totally got one. Working at M restaurant was a life changing experience, it was my first summer job and I loved and hated it. I loved it because I loved earning my own money; it was liberating. I loved meeting new people; because it helped me develop a new outlook towards life, and I was content with my work colleagues. But I hated the job and I knew, without doubt that I hated it more than I loved it.
Similarly to Champagne and Canapés (2), drawing Chaos gave my subconscious a lot of discretion. Therefore it is uneasy to pinpoint what inspired it. However, I do remember that she started off as someone staring at her reflection in the mirror and after a few shifts at work, she became two different women, and the bags underneath her eyes became darker and more profound. And she suddenly developed holes in her dress and her companion developed a deep cut in her back. Chaos could either be the product of the loss of the asset or the unfulfilling summer job which I definitely hated more than I loved. She could either be the creation of an unpredicted chaotic event or a roll of continuous chaotic events. In any case, she is the reflection of the helplessness and dejection I felt at the time. It is weird how different this is from the last piece which was drawn in the same month. The Dancing woman (5) reminds me more of a light happy feeling, whilst this is heavy and melancholic. August (2013) was a weird month.
The Fifth sketch in the Black Sketchbook was inspired by results day. I was frightened I think I nearly had a heart attack when I found out that I didn’t make the A* AA grade required by my first choice university. I was not shocked or upset because I saw this coming; there was no way that my French exam was an A. And halfway through the exam period, I changed my mind about my first choice university; it no longer appealed to me. I think was more distraught by the ‘what now?’ question staring intently into my eyes and breathing on my face. It was suffocating. For once I did not have a plan, I was going to end up wherever the wind took me and that freaked me out. I knew only 3 things in that moment, “I do not want to go to a University in London”, “I want to go to a university that has a study abroad programme” and “Law is the only course that could ever make me happy”.
I was fortunate and everything worked out in my favour on the same day. I could breathe and my breath in that moment felt like a dance. The Dancing Woman is one of my favourite pieces because she is the embodiment of how I felt throughout the latter part of result’s day. Everything, from the movement of her legs down to the flounce of her dress accurately portrays the lightness I felt in that moment. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion, it was surreal. I remember thinking “getting something that you desperately want has the strangest effect”. Every time I look at her, I remember that slow motion feeling to the point where she almost looks like she is dancing in slow motion. I think it would have been brilliant if I had sketched something when I found out that I did not make the required grades, that way I would have a perfect record of the whole day.
To anyone who recently obtained their A Level results, if things did not go as planned don’t fret. Sometimes not having a plan works out better.
This is the fourth piece from the Black Sketchbook. During the summer of 2013 my older sister S went all out with her afro. Watching her influenced me to the point where I ended up drawing this. The Afro is not something that I can easily pull off because my hair seems to have a mind of its own; it does whatever it wants and requires a lot of care invested in it for it to look its best. Unfortunately, I am naturally impatient and carefree when it comes to beauty and hair care. However, when I am bothered, I do try to play around with my hair, it is a lot like this except bigger, livelier and wilder. Having my hair out in an afro inspires freedom and exuberance within me. I love it.
I like her a lot, she is pretty and through the gleam in her eyes I can recognize the feeling of freedom, excitement and wildness that I feel when my hair is in an afro. But she is very unlike me in fact she is more like my sister S; She seems posed and fashion orientated. I like it when my drawings have personalities of their own because it gives off the same feeling of interest I get when I meet a person for the first time.
This is the third piece from the Black Sketchbook. It took me longer than expected to write about The lady in the hat.
From a young age I have admired people who had to ability to wear a smile whilst enduring unbearable physical or mental state. People who could do that had self control, they were graceful and I liked to imitate them. It was only until I grew older that I realised that eyes have the ability to convey the unsettling stories of the heart; stories that the mouth is forbidden from communicating. Suddenly I understood that lips may curve into a smile but eyes have the power to betray you and sell you out.
The lady in the hat is one of my favourite pieces from the Black Sketchbook because she is beautiful, her eyes are striking, her face is readable and the contents of her heart are written in her eyes. Her face seems to radiate warmth and a weird glow but at the same time her eyes are cold and her expression has lingering presence of deceit. Through her eyes, I can tell that something is wrong but I don’t know what it is. It is like she is making a restrained cry for help. I find her situation compatible with today’s society; we humans have constructed a fake illusion of freedom, we tell ourselves that we are free to do anything within the law of the land. Yet some of us cannot freely do simple things like expressing ourselves.
But we are not to blame, we can’t tell everyone everything, no one likes an upset person and for all we know, smiling might be the only antidote for our troubles.
This is the second piece from the Black Sketchbook; I don’t really know what to make of it. Although the Black Sketchbook is my personal diary, I don’t fully understand every piece in it. You see, drawing gives my subconscious a lot of discretion. Sometimes, like in this case, my subconscious takes over, it does whatever it wants and I end up with a piece that I don’t really understand. I have always thought that if I could ask my subconscious mind, it would have the right answers.
I don’t remember why I called it champagne and canapés. Her disposition seems to play around with light and darkness; if you were to section out her eyes from the rest of her face, you would probably notice what I perceived as painful boredom. Her eyes have no light in them, yet she has that side smile thing going on and it lights up her whole face. I have no idea what is going on in her mind.
This was the first piece I created on my second sketchbook (which we will refer to as the Black Sketchbook). The truth is prior to me obtaining the black sketchbook, I had always looked down on my art. I did not take it seriously and saw it as something I do to pass the time. I did not invest any money in it because that seemed like a waste and I drew on printing paper because we had loads of those at home. In fact the black sketchbook was a hand me down from my older sister; she didn’t need it anymore and it was unused, so she gave it to me. Little did I know, at the time, that my sketches and what little painting I did had become a medium for expressing myself. The black sketchbook became my personal diary.
Okay enough about the sketch book and now my thoughts on The Man and the Violin. Around the time I drew this, I was going though that phase where I listened to a lot of classical music. Even if I didn’t want to, my younger sister was always up early playing the violin. It was refreshing and peaceful, that was the feeling I got when I drew him and it is the same feeling I get when I look at him today. However, the man with the violin has a weird twist to him. He isn’t orthodox; he has a tiny safety pin running through his eyebrow, he isn’t wearing a tux or a 3 piece suit but a weird tight shiny shirt. He is both wild and peaceful thus his characteristics seems to contradict itself. That contradiction was something I could relate with at the time I drew him and even now. The man with the violin is calm and peaceful but at the same time rebellious and free. Although I hadn’t noticed it at the time, I see it now; freedom seems to be the running theme in the Black Sketchbook.
Hi guys, welcome to my Art space. On here I will post stuff derived from my mind and created with my hands. Enjoy.