I struggled with writing. I didn’t know if I wanted to do it in the first or third person. Monster is technically a Black Sketchbook piece, I think it was the ninth or tenth. It explores repentance and the act of forgiving one’s self, which I guess is an essential topic, because not a lot of people are aware that it is possible to hold a grudge against themselves. I sketched Monster 2 years ago, but I could only really write about it now. It was the first time I ever used pure graphite on paper.
I don’t know why I knew this, but I knew that all repentant monsters stood in dark corners and said venomous things to themselves, in their own individual spaces.
They remembered the past:
“where we incited fear with one glance of our bloodshot eyes, where we ripped things and people to shreds even when they pleaded ‘please don’t’.
We resolved within ourselves that we did not deserve good things because we had destroyed so many good things in our time…
In our individual spaces, we remembered when we pleaded with the world not to turn us into monsters, we remember that we were too weak to not take the bait.
We remember when we decided that the world deserved to be ripped to pieces because we were the result of mankind’s selfishness and wickedness, that the world had ignited this everlasting flame that is now trying consuming it”.
I don’t know why I knew this, but I knew that all repentant monsters stood in dark corners and said hurtful things to themselves in their own individual spaces. I also know that as dysfunctional as the world is, it is sometimes more forgiving of itself than repentant monsters.